The Billionaire Gravy Train

Is a billionaire the publishing equivalent these days of the perfect black cocktail dress? I’m astounded at the number of billionaire books climbing the Amazon charts. I think I need to get on that steaming gravy train. And fast.

Let’s see… First, I need to think up a catchy title, then a catchy synopsis, and then I’ll outsource the writing to one of those writing sweatshops in India or South Korea. Heck, I think I’ll do three at one go and spread my chances. Kind of like the wisdom inherent in buying multiple lotto tickets instead of just one ticket.

The Billionaire’s Tank Top
Chiseled to perfection, from his chiseled nose to his chiseled abs to his chiseled toes, billionaire sportsman Zander Bandergander wanders into a sporting goods store to buy the perfect tank top when his piercing gaze suddenly settles on svelte tank top saleswoman Monika Ossum. All Monika wants to do is sell tank tops, but will she end up falling for the godlike billionaire? I mean, seriously now–is anyone going to take that question seriously? Will their love be the tops? Or will it tank?

The Billionaire’s Perfect Smile
Blinding white, perfectly matched and ravishingly gleaming, billionaire philanthropist Percival Prune wanders into a homeless shelter in order to give away several hundred million dollars when his reckless blue eyes meet the gaze of svelte and lissome humanitarian Savannah Swoon. All Savannah wants to do is dole out macaroni and cheese to the unwashed homeless people, but will she end up helpless in the muscled arms of the billionaire philanthropist? Will he end up nibbling her macaroni and cheese with his perfect teeth?

The Billionaire’s Awesome Amble
Elegant as a stalking cheetah, billionaire chef Archibald Gazpacho ambles into a kitchen supply store in order to spend several zillion dollars on a new pepper grinder when his melting chocolate eyes meet the startled stare of svelte, lissome and incredibly toned checkout girl Nadia Noap. All Nadia wants to do is sell gadgets to chefs, but will she end up in Gazpacho’s soup? Will he end up cooking her curry?

I think those three will be sure-fire hits. Zowie! I’ll write some trillionaire books next.

4 thoughts on “The Billionaire Gravy Train”

  1. What I really want to know is if Archibald Gazpacho’s pepper grinder is a Peugeot. Cause I’m lusting after one of those, and they do cost indeed several zillions.

    1. Peugeot pepper grinders? Are they motorized? Ah… I’ve found them at Williams and Sonoma. Those are rather expensive. And elegant. They look fit for a very large chessboard.

      1. Most importantly, they grind (slowly, but exceeding small). The cheaper kind always wear out so quickly because the gears strip. Hmm, good point about the chessboard. There’s story potential in that.

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