Perhaps Arnold Schwarzenegger should replace Heidi Klum on Project Runway

I have little to no interest in clothing fashion. My idea of getting dressed up means grabbing any shirt out of my closet that has functional buttons and is either clean or looks clean. Generally, I’m a jeans-and-tshirt kind of guy. I own four pairs of shoes, not counting my shower flip-flops for the gym.

Recently, my wife checked out some old seasons of Project Runway from the library and has been watching them in the evening while topping up the baby for the first three hour sleep of the night (hopefully). Out of solidarity, I’ve been watching  as well (matrimonial solidarity, also see: eating chard without complaining). I have to admit, even though I can’t tell a bias cut from a whatever, the sheer creativity of these aspiring designers is darn impressive.

Their looniness, on the other hand, is somewhat startling. Fifty percent of them seem to be emotionally unstable, breaking down in tears or hysterics at the drop of a safety pin. The other fifty percent are just plain crazy. Still, whoever said crazy and creative aren’t incompatible? Hello, Van Gogh. You are not alone.

I’m having my doubts about Heidi Klum as the host. She walks around with her smile frozen on her face like its either painted on or maybe all those flashbulbs over the years paralyzed her nerves. She keeps on saying “In fashion, one day you’re in, and one day you’re out.” And then she tells whatever loser of the episode, “You’re out. Auf wiedersehen.”

I’ve grown tired of her. I really think Arnold Schwarzenegger would do a much better job as host of Project Runway. For one thing, his Austrian accent would be much more impressive as he growls, “You’re out. Out, I say.” And then the rather fragile fashion twiggy quivering before him would burst into tears. To make the show more interesting and appealing to a wider demographic (such as hunters, retired military, and zombie/horror aficionados), Schwarzenegger would then pull out his pump shotgun and dispatch the loser of that episode.

And then he could say something witty, such as, “You’re fired.”

While graphic, this would definitely heighten the stakes and inspire the remaining designers to greater heights of creativity and excellence. Everyone needs some inspiration in their life, don’t they?

The other benefit I see in Schwarzenegger replacing Klum would be the change in challenges. Klum’s challenges are fairly dry: design some lingerie, design an evening gown for a socialite, design business wear for a new Banana Republic line.

Schwarzenegger, on the other hand, would stride into the room in the morning, survey the terrified lot of designers and then say something like, “You will take this 3/4 inch stainless steel bolt, this square foot of aluminum foil, this half pound of gunpowder and this gallon of anabolic steroids and you will design a combat uniform that will fit me. You have three hours…I’ll be back.”

That sort of thing would be much more interesting. I’m pretty sure ratings would go up.