FEMA should supply Emergency Clothing for The Voice

I do not watch TV! Normally, I do not. However, Youtube and the occasional foray onto Hulu provide a few transgressions. I’ve been watching a few clips of The Voice recently in order to catch the Scottish wonder hair styles of Terry MacDermott. I’m still not sure if that’s a real mullet he’s wearing on his head, or it’s some kind of Scottish thing. Maybe the Scottish hairstyle equivalent of haggis. Whatever it is, he’s pulling it off with aplomb.

If I was not a Muslim and was into hip-hop lingo, I would even venture to say that he’s the bomb. He can honestly sing. Wait a second. I’m not a Muslim. My memory isn’t that bad, regardless of what my wife says.

Er…I think I just crossed several politically-incorrect lines all at once. Kind of like being at the four corners of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona and hopping around madly with your eyes closed. You’re sure to cross over into multiple states all within the same second. But who cares?

Moving on… that Terry fellow can certainly sing. As can that strange little alien girl Melanie with the gap between her front teeth. However, she somewhat worries me due to the fact that many species of extra-terrestrials fly around shooting laser guns and photon torpedoes, and are fond of blowing up planets (note: in case you are not aware, we live on a planet). And she’s definitely an extra-terrestrial. I was under the impression that The Voice only allowed homo sapiens to compete. Oh, wait. Only the country music judge is human of the four judges, so perhaps that’s why they’ve relaxed the rules for the contestants.

Which gets me to FEMA (note: FEMA is the acronym for Federal Emergency Manicurist Association; it is a fast-reaction group of expert manicurists who rush around and give manicures to people in disaster situations; they also supply other fashion accessories such as clothing, government-subsidized cheese, and free mullet haircuts). FEMA needs to step in and supply clothing to Christina Aguilera and pretty much all the female contestants. A long length of unclothed leg does not equal a winning voice.

Or perhaps it does?

I’m getting way too old for these culture wars. Time to exit the planet. Before that little Melanie alien blows it up, of course. I hope she wins The Voice. If she doesn’t, that’ll make her grumpy (see previous thoughts about extra-terrestrials blowing up planets).

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