Eggs for thee but not for me (the Steve King Amendment)

One of the other hats I wear belongs to the farm I work at for my 9-5 job. Farmers are pretty much just like writers, except they grow food instead of write books. And you pretty much die if you don’t eat food. Some authors might take exception to this, but you won’t die if you don’t read books. I know–shocking news.

Anyway, Congressman Steve King of Iowa submitted an amendment for the current Farm Bill (even though I work on a farm, the Farm Bill is one of the dumber pieces of legislation that our government keeps on passing–it’s a pork-stuffed antique; plus, 80% of the money in it goes to food stamps–it should be called the Food Stamp Bill) that says California cannot force other states to produce chicken eggs in the same way that California forces its chicken farmers to produce eggs.

I totally agree with Rep King on this one. California is trying to force all eggs that come across the California border to be raised the same way California eggs are raised. California eggs are essentially raised by hippie chickens, according to crazed California law. Our laws here dictate that chickens must be happy, must have 5,000 square foot beachfront property, and must receive acupuncture and Swedish massages twice a week. Needless to say, this results in expensive eggs.

If states start pulling this sort of nonsense on each other, we might as well divide this country into fifty little countries and have done with it. Otherwise, before we know it, Oregon will require that all diapers imported across state lines be made out of reusable cloth, New York will insist that all milk imported into the state be ultra low fat, and Florida will require that all octogenarians imported into the Sunshine state own at least three toupees.

From a writer’s perspective, you just can’t make this stuff up. I’m inspired to put on my Monty Python hat and start writing about the Chicken Egg Liberation Army and their co-conspirators, the Free Fowl Front (a paramilitary arm of Hamas, based in San Francisco).

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